Ivory Angel #7
"Turnoffs?" What are these so-called "turnoffs"? Is such a thing possible?
I mean, I've dated attempted murderers, suicidal people, smokers, chokers, debaters, non-debaters, people with miserably low IQ (45 is probably too generous), geniuses, short, tall, kinky, vanilla, bad kissers, good kissers, arrogant mopheads & modest mice, social klutzes & people who navigate life-currents with ease, realists & optimists, blunt people, diplomatic people, rich men, poor men, women... need I really go on?
Everyone has flaws. I try to look past them. I guess the biggest turnoff with me is being too nice. Too fuzzy. Too generous. Then I know you're not good enough for me because if I don't have to fight for you I'm not sure you're worth having. Too many compliments looks like sucking up. I don't like worshippers- people following me around telling me how wonderful I am just makes me nervous. Such people seldom have good motives and often turn out to be stalkers. I have an unusual amount of psychotics trying to date me, so anybody who shows too much interest right off the bat sends up warning flags in my nervous system...
And stop opening the damn door for me! Does it look like I have broken arm to you? Do you think saving me the flex of a bicep is going to be enough to get into my bed? Come off it. I'm not a prostitute. I don't want to have to be indebted to you just because you have some dumb, outmoded concept of chivalry. I will pay for my own meals. I will pay for my own movie tickets. And if you like red roses, I will be there at your door bringing you a bouquet of a dozen because I don't like to watch flowers dying on my kitchen table (they looks like dried blood or a collage of peeled blackheads after two weeks) and don't think I do just because I am blonde and I am young and I am female. I have more money than you anyway and it always makes me feel bad when someone who's parents are still paying off $40,000 in college loans wants to pick up a rich heiress's check. Kill the romance thing. This isn't a fairy tale or a movie and I'm glad of that. After all, childrens' stories and hollywood glitterfests have less chance of being real.
Show a little courage. Show a little bite. Do you think smiling and agreeing with everything I say is going to make me feel better? My self-esteem isn't so fragile that one little word for you is going to send me into a hysterical fit running to the bathroom clutching a delicate piece of toilet paper and wailing WHY ME? OH WHY ME? So don't think you're going to hurt my feelings just because we disagree. Maybe you keep silent because you think I must be wrong and can't handle myself. Don't patronize me, I'm not below your level. My idea of a successful date involves at least one argument over politics, religion, hell...the arrangement of the napkins. It's all good. Talking to a particularly flattering mirror just isn't very fascinating and I'm going to assume you keep agreeing with every word out of my mouth because you are ignorant. If I'm that bored, you might have more chance of me tackling you and dragging you kicking and screaming under the white tablecloth just to make things more interesting, but you can damn well bet that after the fuzzy handcuffs are off, you aren't going to see me again.
I guess I do have a few turnoffs. If you're boring, I don't like you. If you're always submissive, I don't like you. If you're too nice, I'm afraid with you.
But, uh, that doesn't mean we can't still be friends...right?
2 Comments:
"I mean, I've dated attempted murderers, suicidal people, smokers, chokers, debaters, non-debaters, people with miserably low IQ (45 is probably too generous), geniuses, short, tall, kinky, vanilla, bad kissers, good kissers, arrogant mopheads & modest mice, social klutzes & people who navigate life-currents with ease, realists & optimists, blunt people, diplomatic people, rich men, poor men, women... need I really go on?"
Damn! You've been around...
My dear, I'm afraid you've got it all bass Ackwards.
I am a gentleman, a devout romantic, and a practioner of chivalry. The whole idea behind these standards is to treat everyone with grace and equanity and to appreciate the beauty and goodness that lies withi a person.
If I open the door for you I am not doing so in order to rack up points in the vain hope you'll sleep with me. If I thought you so base a creature then I assure I would have no dealings with you at all. I extend this same courtesy to others all the time, be they young or old and of either gender. I simply do it as a matter of course. Would you assume I open the door for little old ladies because I want to get busy with them? Well then pardon me, but what makes you think you're so special?
If I pay you the courtesy of a compliment I do so because I sincerely want you to know that I appreciate your efforts. I believe that if you do something worthy of commendation you should be recognized for it. Again, I pay this same courtesy with the same frequency to those I work with, male and female alike. The last compliment I payed was to someone in a completely different department who was lending a hand to help our department out. Surely you would not suggest I was worshipping them.
Also, spare me the indignation when I reach for the check without asking how you want to split it. If you'd feel more comfortable with some other arrangements, I know you'll say something or it wasn't that important anyway. Side note: I don't care if you have more money than I do and frankly I'm insulted that you seem to. If I deign to ask a person out and show them a good time, then it is incumbent upon me to be able to pay.
Lastly, don't deny me my tokens of affection. Do not begrudge me a small gesture of appreciation. Romance is the breath of life to me, and it is cruel to deny it to me.
In short, I do not do any of these things because of you. I do these things because it is the code by which I live.
If you can't accept a courtesy gracefully, then no, I'm sorry, but we can't be friends either.
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