YellowSubmarine #5

I have actually been completely naked in front of strangers on several different ocassions and under several different circumstances. Through all of this I have found that nakedness, just like everything else in life, is exactly what you make of it. What's more, the mortification of it is easy to side step when you keep in mind that it comes from social conditioning.

When Magellan first cast his eyes upon the au natural natives of Tiera Del Fuego I'm sure HE turned a few different shades of crimson, but the indigenous people weren't exactly retreating behind the bushes. In fact, this aparent liberation captivated the imagination of the stodgier minded and more sexually repressed Europeans for centuries afterwards.

That having been said there are different gradations of nude which reveal themselves when viewed in context. I think Comedian Jeff Foxworthy summed it up the best when he said," There's naked, and then there's nekkid. Naked means you don't have any clothes on. Nekkid means you don't have any clothes on and you're up to somethin'." Being naked can be uncomfortable and alienating. Being nekkid is fun and liberating. Let's explore the diferrence...

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In the naked camp we find "My roomate doesn't know how to knock" naked and all the righteous indignation that comes with it.

There's also "Turn your head and cough" naked and it's distant cousin "Flimsy paper hospital gown isn't fooling anyone" naked.

There's "Oops, I dropped the soap" naked. (insert lame prison joke here)

There's also "Lost a bet" naked. (You know, its funny. You'd think it'd get easier after the third time)

Then comes "Just caught skinny dipping by a troop of boy scouts" naked. (with a wink and a nod to Commander Cream. ;) )

Then there's "My friends stole my clothes and chained me to a tree" naked. (Not to worry, I got them back by putting Ben Gay in their underwear.)

After which we find one of my personal favorites "So drunk I seemed to have misplaced my pants" naked.

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In the Nekkid camp there's "On a lark" nekkid where you just walk around naked for no particular reason. Also known as 'weird naked guy" nekkid.

There's also "On a dare" nekkid which usually involves proving your manhood by doing something incredibly juvenile.

There's also "Clothing optional beach" nekkid which is always a croud pleaser.

There's "Aging Hippy Nudist" nekkid and that's just disturbing.

There's "Civil Activism" nekkid where you go naked in protest of the tyranny of clothing companies or the oppression of clothing in general.

There's "Sneaking out to the pond to go skinny dipping" nekkid, or as a close pirate friend of mine calls it "Shrivel me timber!" nekkid.

There's "The Painted Man" nekkid. (and btw, plus ten cool points for whoever gets the referrence.)

There's "Freakin Streakin" nekkid, a close cousin of "On a dare" and a favorite across college campuses during sporting events and homecoming events nationwide.

Another one of my personal favorites "Almost caught in flagrante delicto and hiding from the sheriff" nekkid (Looong story behind that one.)


Then there's Baby nekkid. I think of all types of naked or nekkid this is my favorite. Have you ever seen a kid running around jaybird naked and NOT having the time of their life? To babies and toddlers its fun, its natural and it just feels good. Shame is the furthest thing from there mind. At one time we all liked being naked. We weren't shamed into hiding our naked form, it was just who we were. We could exist without pretense or care. When does this change? Why does it have to?

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Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating nudism. I like clothes. I look very good in them. But there is nothing wrong with being just who you are, naked. What are clothes but interchangible physical representations of a personality you want to project to the world? They are only so much cloth and swagger. Even the fanciest clothes could never inspire the sheer wonder and awe that the human form has inspired for centuries.