YellowSubmarine #9 pt 1

Yes, there is a difference between deserving poor and undeserving poor. I have to adress them seperately though because they entail two entirely different circumstances and means of adressing them.

You could say I am acquainted with what it is to be poor. My entire life I have lived somewhere between middle class and abject poverty, and at both extremes. There was even a time when my father was out of work for eighteen months and my family was bankrupt. (My dad filed chapter eleven not chapter thirteen. He had too much pride to welch on a debt.) For a few months, my siblings and I were welfare wunderkind. I saw my dad, a man with three advanced degrees working at Wendy's. He was a bear of a man and he looked down-right ridiculous in that uniform. I know why he did it though, and to this day I feel warm and fuzzy everytime I eat a frosty. In the end though, the government made him quit. He was making too much money and was going to lose his benefits. But that was years ago.

So in preparation for this TKO question I decided to look into the poverty level, the poorest of the poor, the worst off of the worse-off. I was perusing the figures for the fiscal year 2002 (the latest year for which the census can provide data) and surprise, surprise, according to the bereau of the census, I'm not only below the poverty line, I am positively moribund with destitution. I qualify for every single federal aid program not aimed at expectant mothers or the elderly. That having been said, I think the entire concept of poverty in America is a self-righteous joke. Here's why...

There are two types of people below the poverty level and in either instance it involves conscious choice. First, let me adress my own case.

According to the Bureau of the census I am under 65 and a one person house-hold so therefore I must earn a monetary income above 9,359 dollars before taxes not including capital gains and noncash benefits, a year to be considered not living in poverty. I crunched a few numbers and, the federal minimum wage being 5.15/hr, I would only have to work an average of 35 hours a week at a minimum wage job (or two or three) to achieve this paltry sum. That gets you 780 a month in an area (where cost of living is low enough to keep the minimum wage as is) charging five hundred for decent one bedroom. Failing to meet this standard is like failing gym class, it takes nothing short of a supreme lack of effort. I don't meet it because even though I earn substantially more than minimum wage, I elect only to work between 12 and 18 hours a week. By the way, I've also failed gym class three times.

So why do I do it and what am I doing with the 17 to 23 hours a week I clearly should be working, but would rather be doing something else? Like everything else in life and economics its simply a matter of incremental value. I would rather sleep and extra hour or two a day. (in fact I chose a morning job because otherwise I'd probably never get out of bed before 2pm) I would rather read a good book, or study something interesting like government, politics, or international finance. Its not even that I'm lazy, though I can't argue otherwise. Since this writing contest has begun I have since overhauled one of my entries and turned it into a play which will debut next year once I decide if I want to go through the extra trouble and expense to make money off of it. On any given day... I volunteer to help raise funds for a liberal radio host friend of mine and I learn the ins and outs of broadcasting. I take long walks and just soak in the scenery. I work on a book of short stories, which, if I ever get good enough, I'll publish. I discuss finance and argue the vageries of subjective morality with my room-mate. I go out dancing, or sing karaoke. I chat with friends. I watch movies. I do the sort of thing most people wish they were doing while they are working. So, how's your life treating you?

In fact, in writing this post I've become inspired! I think I'll talk to a hippy doctor friend of mine and begin a club. We'll be the Royal Order of Bohemia! Of course, you're all invited. It'll be for anyone who lives life with a song in their heart, prefers revelry to work, enjoys lounging about with a book or just for anyone who saw the first ten minutes of Moulin Rouge and thought Those fiends! They went and held the revolution without me! It will be an informal order, but prone to social gatherings and designed specically to enhance the enjoyment of the member's lives. We can even have membership cards! Nothing fancy, just whatever I can work out at Kinkos, but yeah. Check it out. Now accepting applications for ROB. Ha Ha, we can casually refer to it as BOB! "Have you seen BOB lately? Aw man, I was just at this party and let me tell ya, BOB really knows how to liven things up." Besides, that way it will spell the same frontwards, backwards, and upside-down. Don't think I'm just joking either...

Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes...my abject poverty...

Surely I'm living like a pauper though, right? I won't lie, it does affect my life-style, but I'm happier than most people I know. It all has to do with sound fiscal management and keeping a very low overhead. You'd be amazed at all the shit you don't need and can easily get along fine without. I don't have a car or a cell phone. I need neither and they're both incredibly expensive to maintain. I don't go out to eat save maybe once a month. I don't care to as usually I can come up with better, for cheaper at home anyway. I don't have cable or high-speed internet access at home. Then again I have access to all the best movies and tv shows on DVD and a T-1 line at my local library. If I want anything particular I can either save for it or I can earn the extra money doing odd-jobs. Its not for everyone, but its ridiculously stress free.

It's not like this only works for one person either. I've actually gotten so good at stretching a buck, that during a few months last year I had four guys living with me in a two-bedroom apartment on only that singular part-time job...AND I was paying off hospital bills. Now you insist there must be a catch. And you're right.

Uncle Sam makes these projections without considering under the table arrangements. I'm talking completely legitimate means too. There's just tons of income that goes unreported. When I make commission selling and installing Vinyl siding with my cousin Jamie, none of its on the books. In 2002, when I worked for ten dollars an hour plus a huge stipend as a stage manager for a non-profit repertory company, none of it was on the books. There's just tons of transactions on that level every day that are either already provided for and don't need reporting twice, or take place person to person. All of this goes on without Uncle Sam knowing or getting a piece of the action. That's the first failure of the poverty standard.

The second is that it doesn't take into account material holdings. I'm not worth much monetarily, but I have a few well-valued objects that if I were so inclined are good for an easy shill putting me well over my poverty threshhold. According to our standard, I can literally be a millionaire one year, retire, withdraw all of my liquid assets and stuff the money in my matress or invested in some antique furniture. Because its not generating interest in an account somewhere and thus generating income, I'm worth millions but I'm officially impoverished. Or lets say again that I am a millionaire, eccentric to the core and I decide to invest all of my liquid assets to buy a nice collection of antiques which will appreciate in value. As long as I don't sell anything requiring legal acknowledgement of the sale, such as in an official retail capacity or anything where ownership needs to be legally transferred, all I need to do is be careful not to bring in any new money above board and over my threshhold next year. I will be officially impoverished come tax time. It may sound a bit absurd, but I actually know quite a few people who do just that, and it's much more common when practiced only in part. Seriously, can you say...tax shelters?

The last problem with the official poverty standard is it projects the image of a poor old helpless woman and her emaciated grandchildren starving in a squalid, rat-infested gutter, while ignoring the effect of public and private charitable assistance, most of which is designed specifically to combat overhead. For a long time while my dad was out of work those eighteen months, and well before Uncle Sam came into the picture we recieved a lot of charitable aid from our church in the form of mortgage assistance and food banks. When you factor in low cost housing, HUD, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, WIC, earned income tax credits, Food Stamps, Food banks, and all the other charitable assistance programs out there... all it takes is a little reasonable money management and in no time flat you'll be saying, "Oh, I'm sorry! I forgot I was supposed to be poor and miserable and have no quality of life...!"

That's why I consider poverty by American standards to be one giant joke, and I'm the punch-line...

In the mean-while VIVE LA REVOLUTION!