Mauve Momma #4

Seven Things I Would Do If I Were in Charge of the Military

1. Immediately fire myself and hire someone even remotely qualified to make decisions about the military. Well, but first:

2. Repeal "Don't ask, don't tell." No political "compromises" like Clinton had to pull. Do it immediately and put everyone, generals to privates, through serious training explaining that they will get no backup, ever, for harassing, threatening, or punishing people based on sex or sexual orientation.

3. Depleted uranium in weapons...yeah, I'd knock that off.

4. Design and run some sweet commercials for the Coast Guard. How come those guys never get commercials? Maybe a guy in a speedboat fighting through an obstacle course of drug runners, immigrants in inner tubes, Nazi submarines, and a baby polar bear on a slab ice that needed rescue. And then "The Coast Guard. We Do it All. We Do it Boat Style. (But Less Guns than the Navy.)"

5. Fire some more people related to the Abu Ghraib scandal. I know there's been a couple, but not enough. Firings! Discharges! Heads rolling! More!

6. Require women to register for the Selective Service, to be even, then never use the thing.

7. Maybe get some different hats? With more tassels?


You know, I could write a long, serious post about real military policy, but the truth is, I don't feel like I really know enough to prescribe comprehensive solutions. I want to say I know what to do about intervening in civil disputes, arms control, troop pay/living conditions/length of service, humanitarian missions, relations with private contractors, and dozens more issues. I can identify that those are key issues, and I have a few ideas, which allows me to escape the feeling of total ignorance. But I don't have the kind of solid opinions I could offer you about education policy or Shakespearean comedy. I hope I will soon.

Tassels at ease.