Sgt. Silver #1

First Letter to My Girlfriend

1 Hey gorgeous,
2
3 I'm glad you finally moved in with me. Now I can have nonstop
4 discussions about Butler and the repressive influences of one's
5 sex with you. You will never see me stare at another woman
6 for I genuinely love you. I may not scream it out, but that is only
7 because I'm too subtle. As long as you're here, I'll never
8 let you toil away, performing sexist household duties. You wont
9 lift a finger when it comes to cleaning up. It'll be great, you will
10 see that I truly believe in egalitarian rules. For we will both
11 do all the cooking, wash the dishes, iron the clothes. And I will
12 do this with pride, for its a husband's job too. Then we can both
13 lay back and relax, knowing that all is taken care of. I will also
14 be attentive to your needs, my love. You know I will never
15 go to strip clubs, drink alcohol, cheat, get in bar-fights,
16 or be unfaithful to you at all. I will respect you, love you,
17 then make love to you. Oh, if you dump my magazines, you'd be
18 wise to throw them in recycling. Our union will be perfectly
19 executed. This is how Sgt. Silver was destined to live.
20
21 Forever,
22
23 Sgt. Silver



Second Letter to My Girlfriend

1 Goddamnit!
2
3 That stupid shrink of mine edited the letter. Can you
4 believe that guy? I should shoot him for doing something
5 that stupid to me. Is he trying to ruin my life? Anyway,
6 read my letter again. Except this time you should only read
6 the odd numbered lines of the letter. As soon as my tour is
7 over I'm going to kill that shrink. How's THAT for stress-
8 relief? ...hmmm... just the thought of that calmed me. Anyway,
9 you know what to do. Read the first letter again, but read
10 only the odd-numbered lines.
11
12 Hooah!
13 Sergeant Silver